Happy National Day.

I should be happy but im not. Ok anw class outing today. Only weiq patty chingying peishan thiri and I turned up. Damn best. Went to the dancing linkway thingy at the esplanade to play bridge awhile. Thiri came then we wanted to go Settler's. Then called it up. It was quite ex and had to stay till 6 so we decided to to go just acia to pig out instead. Quite fun i suppose. Stone there quite long and we had bimbo gossiping session. Yeah then later went to grandma house for mahjong. Played quite well today. (paying attention to the game does help. Got one point I was half watching ndp and playing so i kept losing. Then i just decided to ignore ndp and concentrate on mj. Then start winning again. (Y) Yeah dunno why this year like no feeling one. Haiz. Anw im still really proud to be singaporean. Seeing everyone on tv cheering and waving the Singapore flag really warms my heart. Yeah then went home watched IP man (im not deprived but that was my first time watching it. Missed the starting tho, but i dont think i makes a difference. This kind of show just see fight scene can le) Yeah thats basically my boring day. How i wish i could be with a bunch of my close friends and celebrate national day together. Can just ignore my image and high.

Although i'm not really jumping for joy now i shall procrastinate no more and write the letters.

DAY3
Hey mum and dad.
You guys has been awesome parents. Really. And i love you a lot. But its just hard for me to express it in words, or even actions. Sorry for not living up to your expectations but im not perfect. I wanna be the real me. Not the me you want me to be. I know that you dont want to let me go, but i need some freedom. I need space to grow. You always give me the option: I totally follow your orders or you totally dont care about me. I dont think there is much of a choice is there? I can't survive on my own. If you release the strings of a kite, it will just fly off and crash and burn. But if you keep holding on to it too tightly, it will just be there. Average. Unable to fly higher, to soar in the clear blue skys. Heh. I know church has strained our relationship. You are really against church activities. I know you are scared that i become too devoted or too extreme. But im a big boy now. I know where to stop. I have always been quite insistent on church activities because i really enjoy myself there. I learn many things. A whole auditorium filled with Christians praying together is just so much more different then praying alone. Meh. I dont know how to end this now. I love you.

Ok forget it. I've gotten too emotional to write about my dreams. I dont even think i have any, but thats not the point. The point is that i'll write it tomorrow. Haiz.

There is also another extra letter i would like to write.

Dear Person who is pissed with me,
Im sorry. I really am. Sorry for being an asshole. I was just feeling quite pissed and all. Nagging parents not making things better. I know i shouldnt have taken it out on you. Therefore im sorry. Im not sure if you are ignoring me on purpose or not but i wont force you if you dont want to talk to me. Just wanted to say sorry.

My brain is telling me things. My heart feels otherwise.

JC